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Fear is Personal

I am glad that I took a week off this year. I was able to reflect on how much progress I had made. Looking back, I remain amazed at all the hurdles I overcame. I have a long way to go, but I can’t even see where I started.

This last week I reflected on how my friendships had grown with people in my past and present. A year ago, I would never believe I could go for a walk and have people proactively say good morning or hello to me. When I left the abuse of the school, I was so abused that I genuinely believed for a time that I was not likable, let alone lovable. I am so lucky to live in a community that never gave up on me. They saw a spark and ran with it to bring me back.

I am constantly talking about how people that gaslight are very successful at separating people from those that know better. Horrible Hope, Dirty Diane, and the former Superintendent convinced me that everyone was wrong about my horrible and illegal working conditions. I knew better, but they made me reach a point where even I was ashamed to talk anymore about the behaviors. I knew if I reached out for help, it would be contrary to what I really wanted. What I really wanted was to keep my job and eliminate the terror for everyone.

The reality is you can’t fight corruption with being a just and equitable person. They take their conversations into the shadows and then retaliate or attack. Sometimes, being just isn’t enough when a trifecta of corruption occurs. Sometimes justice is justice for yourself, and you can’t permanently save everyone else. I also found that in the absence of a sole warrior, those being attacked will start to band together and defend themselves.

Today I stand proud to say I have more friendships than ever. I also see the corruption more clearly than possible from the inside. Talking to Legislatures this week, it was clear that the distance from evil allowed me to see things I wouldn’t have seen otherwise. For example, I spent the week talking to taxation about a contractor not authorized to do business in Nevada with a cushy contract.

WRITTEN BY
JayDee Porras-Grant
CALLENDER
April 2023
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