I have managed to make it three weeks now without smoking. It is not a feat that I would’ve foreseen when I started out. I have been a smoker for a couple decades with glee. There are things I miss and things I do not miss. 

I miss the ritual of it. I never realized just how scheduled I was until I no longer had a schedule within a schedule. I found myself a little lost at times without something to do during those periods. 

Ironically, I am not missing the ritual of smoking. One thing I also noticed is now I have freedom. I don’t find myself needing to take the side quest in order to smoke. There is a certain amount of freedom in not having a nicotine fit. 

I have tried a number of things in the past and was barely able to get this far, usually only with cheat breaks. This time is different because I decided to use the medication. The medication stopped the reward sensation of smoking. There would be no benefit to smoking, only the downside. 

I will say the medication does give me wild dreams. They were not joking about that. It is similar to the first step of the patches, though at least I do get some sleep. I am not entirely certain why I was able to tolerate the medication this time, but I have a suspicion. 

When I previously attempted the medication, I was on substantially more medications due to the abusive work relationship I had with the Mineral County School District. I was on so many various medications for the anxiety, depression, gastrointestinal issues, and the allergies that the additional pill just threw me over the top. 

Previously I would take the medication and it would immediately come back up. I would give up after a few days. This time, it did give me a little nausea, but I haven’t missed a single dose. It is amazing how when the circumstance changes, things like medications that previously failed became an option. 

Only time will tell how overall successful this attempt will be, but I am more optimistic than I have been in the past. This is the lowest stress attempt I have had. It has also been helpful to have a teenager that is forever reminding me of the need to quit so that I live for a long time.